Monday, November 2, 2009
Am I missing out by not being pregnant?...
I feel that this question needs to be addressed and needs to be done so immediately. The answer is no. That would not have always been my answer but I can say that at this time, the answer is indeed no. I've accepted that pregnancy is not going to be part of my life experience (to my knowledge) however I do not believe that the absence of this experience will diminish my love for my child nor do I feel it makes me someone to be pittied by other women. I am happy for those who embrace/ed their own pregnancies, in fact I hope they would enjoy it. But I don't appreciate being looked at with sad eyes, when someone learns that I can't conceive. Don't pity me. I'm so over that "feel sorry for me phase." I'm not broken, I don't need to be fixed and I don't need anyone's pity. What I need is for people to understand that my parenting experience is special in its own right! Although my "delivery day" will involve a trip to Korea, a few social workers, smountain of paperwork and a very joyful heart, rather than stirrups, hospital rooms and fetal monitors, it will still be a most amazing day. Am I missing out by not being pregnant?--I'll never know but I can only suspect that I'm not.
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3 comments:
Oh, I hate the pitiful looks and silence that sometimes happens when we announce we're adopting! I mean, we've moved on, and are excited about our decision, and at this point can't imagine building our family any other way. Infertility is a rough place to be, and sometimes those pitiful looks bring me back...I'm not sure what to do in these situations besides smile, gush about how excited we are, and talk (and talk and talk!) about the process until nobody can take it anymore :)
I totally get that! There are times when I get my happy adoption balloon all inflated and soaring beautifully above me and some ding dong poke a hole in it with that dang infertility discussion. Like you, I sometimes feel that the only way to overcome this is to talk the other party into a virtual coma.
Not at all..we have 2 biological sons and are currently in the process of adopting a baby girl from Korea. I can definately say I'll not miss the morning sickness, the hormone swings, the weight gain, the varicose vein pain, and the postpart. depression. I really experienced all of these symptoms and so do most of the women I know. There is going to be a huge relief on my part that i won't feel obligated to breast feed this time around...excuse the pun here, but breastfeeding is definately not all its "cracked up" to be. My advice is to kindly tolerate the poor people that are inconsiderate and surround yourself with people who have somewhat of an understanding of your feelings and are able to be sensitive to them...good luck:)
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