Does it Bother You?

While speaking with a friend today, an interesting scenario occured and I need to thank her for it because it is a question that has probably plagued more than one person in our lives. She happily shared with me that she and her husband were trying for baby #3 but then promptly apologized for sharing that information because it might bother me that she was trying for more when we couldn't have any. I appreciated her candor as well as her immediate concern.

So to answer the question "Does it bother you when people speak of their growing families when we have no children yet?"; I say "not anymore...usually." I admit this used to be a sore spot. Early in the game and several years into the process, anytime someone would share their news, I would feign happiness and then later, in my moments of solitude or Bob's company, would collapse in tears. I was never angry with anyone nor did I begrudge them happiness, I was crying for us, not them. I couldn't understand how the stork could repeatedly circle the neighborhood and keep missing our house. He needed GPS :)

Now, I've/we've come to terms with the reality that our lives are not lacking, they are just blessed differently. We will not experience what our friends have experienced, but on the same token, they will not experience what we experience. Different sides of the same coin.

I shared with my friend that the only thing that still causes me stress is hearing of someone who is pregnant and is either angry about it, or constantly complains about all the physical beasts that accompany pregnancy. There are still people in this world, my own life in fact, that I look at and say "How can God give them a baby and not us?" Sometimes that is a struggle. But I recognize that this will be a struggle my whole life and it's intensity will wax and wane over time. I accept it for what it is.

My heart still rejoices when I hear of a new life entering the world through our friends. It's a blessing.