Control Freak?

First, let me mention that we added a few additional links to the side of the page. Adoption Clubhouse and CASE are wonderful resources for children and adults; Tapestry is a whole site devoted to adoption books for any and all situations. Great resources if you are interested.


Now onto the issue of being a control freak. Yes, I understand that the need to control my (Andrea btw) environment is a part of my personality. It's not always the most glowing side of me, but it's there. It bothers me however, when in conversations like yesterday's homestudy SO MUCH emphasis is placed on it. In fact, the more I looked into what others perceive a control freak to be, the more disheartend I became. At 11 p.m. last night, I found myself crying in the office thinking "Is this really the horrible person that people see me as?" Do they see me as cold, manipulating, anxiety-ridden etc. ? Who wouldn't cry at that description?


I think the part that distresses me the most is that I view the scope of my personality as far more colorful. There are certain situations in life where my need to be in the driver's seat is more prevalent. But I also have sides to me that are caring, funny, laid back, compassionate etc. God did not make me one-dimensional and I often feel that my personality is presented with a one-dimensional spin because of that control side. How I interact with adults is often very different than how I interact with children because my expectations of the two age spectrums are very different.


In my heart of hearts I feel that I would be a wonderful parent. But when you think that the world is perceiving you as a monster that is unbearable to be around, it becomes less easy to see the positive sides. So today, I'm abandoning that term "control freak" to describe myself or anyone else. We all need to feel in control sometimes; I am no different, and I am certainly not a freak.